Navigating Grief of a Difficult Relationship

Today, we are going to talk about navigating grief when the relationship was a difficult one. Grief in and of itself is difficult. We all go through it and it’s different for everyone. It is something we cannot avoid in our lifetime. But how do you handle it if there was conflict? No relationship is perfect weather it be friends or family. We wish they were, but life twists some into unmanageable knots. Feelings get hurt, misunderstanding happen, jealousy happens, differences of opinions, you name it, it can and does happen. We distance ourselves from the situation and might stop speaking to the person. Then out of the blue, they pass away. Not only are we hit with the shock of them passing away, but we now may also feel regret with the what ifs buzzing around in our head for years to come. Hindsight tells us we should have reached out to reconcile the issue. The lesson, try to resolve it or be sure you find peace with the separation. If you attempt to reach out to let them know you would welcome a conversation, then you have tried. In stating this, please do not take that as meaning it is ok to allow people to emotionally hurt you or test your boundaries. I’m saying find peace with the outcome.

In my 60 years on this earth, I’ve had friendships come and go. Most of them I am at peace with where they stand. But I guess, I won’t really know until something happens. There are a few that I have put an olive branch out without reciprocation, which leaves me having to heal and work through it. Not get stuck in what did I do, how could I have made it different. I’ve placed the invite for a conversation, the ball is in their court.

There are a lot of things we can do while we are alive. but what ifs it’s too late? Then what? Maybe out of respect you attend the funeral. But all you are hearing is what a wonderful person they were, and this angers you or starts that little voice in your head to ask, “What was I thinking to come here?” No funeral or celebration of life that I have ever attended were people say how difficult the deceased was. After all it is bad manners to speak ill of the dead, right?

How on earth do you even begin to find peace? This is not the feeling we get when we weren’t able to say good-bye. This was an argument a dysfunctional family issue or whatever. It didn’t end well and there is no going back now. The final conversation is now final. Ugh, dread. The voice in your head won’t shut up.

Maybe, if I explain to you some of the things Spirit has taught me, it may ease the stress and calm that voice down. Spirit has a full understanding of how or why things happened the way they did. I believe they have a life review so to speak. They are surrounded in love so the only thing they see, feel and hear is love. No longer do they have human emotions; they are not in Spirit. There are no grudges or anger to hold onto. No disappointment in those still living. They have a clear view of what you are going through and all they want is to surround you in love. They do not want you to be tormented with guilt or resentment. They are ok, we are not because we are still earth bound. We do not have the full ability to soak up the loving energy, forgiveness and understanding that they have.

If you are struggling with this, write a letter to them. Explain how you feel and then bury the letter with them. Have a conversation in your head or out loud with them, say what you need to say and imagine their loving answers. Resolve to forgive and release the stress and anxiety within. Clear the air and let it go. Allow yourself the grace of forgiveness, of them, to them and yes yourself as well.

I have been actively releasing a lot of stuff I’ve been carrying around in my energy for weeks, months and yes, even years. Why am I holding onto this stuff? I question myself often that if I feel my calling is to help others heal, I must actively be healing myself as well. Healer heal thyself. I am forever, a work in progress. In walking this path, I often think about how I want to be remembered. First off, no unfinished business. No one wondering how I felt about them. But as I stated Tuesday Talks for today is about navigating difficult relationships and grief. I fully believe in second and even third chances. Except when it totally drains my energy, there are no changes, and I end up being hurt again and again. I’ve accepted the fact that sometimes severing a relationship is best for my own wellbeing. The problem lies how will I feel if something happens? Am I ok within myself to accept the fact that this can and will happen? I guess the only way to truthfully answer it will be when that time comes. So, in the meantime, I work on me. I go back to how I want to be remembered. I’ve been reading several books lately and the latest one talks about making a decision to be happy, to actively live life not just have life. We all, one day will pass. At the end of your life will you have lived it in accordance with your greatest ability? What if you were told you had a week to live? What changes would you make? Death is life’s only true reality. So, I think, what would I change if my life were to end in a week? Would I have any unresolved issues? It’s kind of heavy to think this but every day we live is one day closer to when we leave this earth. How do you want to leave your legacy? Our actions of how we loved this adventure of life.

In the difficult relationship, ask yourself if you have looked at all angles, opinions, circumstances? Have I assumed responsibility for the things that you could have done better or are just blaming them? What was in my control and what is not in my control? Maybe, your parent was absent from your life or abusive, they taught you how not to be. Understand, that this was not your fault. Feel through it and begin healing. If you feel you are in a good place with the outcome, wish them well and move on. Send loving thoughts and prayers for whatever direction they may be in. And maybe, sometime in the future, if things are different a conversation can be had but at this time, I’m good. I’m at peace. All is well in my kingdom.

Understand, that it is impossible to fix a relationship without open communication. Understand that we cannot conform to make someone respect us and they will not change for us. Work on deciding to be happy. Allow the emotions to flow through you and not stuck inside of your head. Death is life’s only reality. The rest we figure out day to day.

There is no good or bad grief. There is just grief. Actively working on release yourself from the grip of guilt helps. Give yourself a break and show loving grace to your own energy. Be proud of yourself for setting healthy boundaries for your happiness. There is no easy answer here. It take practice and patience. Release the thought of guilt when it pops into your mind, forgive all around and through the situation, feel all the feelings and promise yourself and acknowledge, “I will get better, and then I won’t but then I will again.”

I pray you live the life you love and love the life you live.

Blessings

Stacey

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